Badhuman Records & Philosophy

My friend, Mingming Guo (aka Tao), tells me of his grandmother. I worked for Tao as an ESL teacher in Taiyuan, Shaxi, China 2015-2020.

My grandmother’s surname is Zhang. She was born in Hanyan Village, Xinzhou, Shanxi Province, China in 1922. When my grandmother was born, China was in a period of turmoil and the transition of the times. Her family was relatively common in rural China at that time. According to custom, she went to her husband’s home to be a child bride at the age of 12 according to the requirements of adults. When she was very young, she started foot binding like many girls in other families. “Foot binding” is an extremely painful process. This stupid behavior was actually abolished in China during this period, but the traditional concept of the people was deeply rooted. In the ancient Chinese aesthetic concept, the so-called female beauty is to reflect their “feminine” side, that is, petite, weak, demure, and have soft curves, etc. In terms of “small”, cherry mouth, melon seed face, willow-like waist are all characteristics of female beauty, and feet are no exception. I lived with my grandmother from the age of 5 until she passed away. We lived together for almost 30 years. She had 7 children and 10 grandchildren. She prepared three meals a day for me and other family members and took care of the lives of my family. Her feet needed to be trimmed every once in a while because the nails would grow after foot binding and often pierce into the flesh. At this time, the feet needed to be trimmed, but it was more difficult to trim the feet after foot binding. I witnessed this painful process many times. She experienced great changes in China during her life, and she also suffered a lot in her life. Foot binding was just one of them. Because of her physical illness and many experiences of separation and death, I can’t imagine how much incredible energy she had to support her throughout her life. In her later years, my grandmother lived with my mother in my home. She loved to joke, had a healthy mind, and a good appetite. Every weekend I would take her to the best local restaurants. Her short and fat body seemed to have never lost weight. At any time, she always put others in her heart and always felt sorry for others. She seemed to never care about or complain about the suffering she endured. How did this come about? It is difficult for me to express clearly that China during this period produced a group of ordinary people who suffered hardships and injustice but were extremely great and possessed enormous energy. My grandmother passed away 7 years ago. Of all the people in this world, I lost the one who was most important to me.

Original simplified Chinese text:

我的姥姥姓张，1922年出生在中国山西忻州韩延村，姥姥出生的时候中国处在一个动荡和时代交替的阶段，她的家庭在当时的中国农村里算是比较常见的，按照习俗，她在12岁的时候按照大人的要求去了她的丈夫家做了童养媳。在她很小的时候，她和很多家庭的女孩一样开始了缠足，“缠足”是要经历极其痛苦的过程。这个愚蠢的行为实际上在这个时期的中国已经废止，但是民间的传统观念根深蒂固，在中国古代审美观念上，所谓的女性美就是要体现出她们“阴柔”的一面，就是娇小、柔弱、娴静以及要有柔和的曲线等等。自“小”而言，樱桃小口、瓜子脸、杨柳细腰都是女性美的特质，至于脚也不例外。 我从5岁开始与姥姥一起生活直到她去世，我们一起生活了差不多30年，她有7个孩子，10个孙子孙女，她每天为我和其他的家人准备三餐，照顾家人们的生活，每隔一段时间她的脚就需要修建，因为缠足以后指甲还会生长，指甲经常会刺进肉里面，这个时候就需要修建，但是缠足后的脚会比较困难修建，我多次目睹了这个痛苦的过程。她一生中经历了中国的巨大变迁，生活中也磨难不断，缠足也只是其中之一而已。因为身体的病痛以及多次生离死别的种种经历，我无法想象她拥有多么不可思议的能量支持她走完这一生。 晚年的姥姥在我的家里与我妈妈一起生活，她爱开玩笑，头脑很健康，食欲也很好，每个周末我都会带她去各个当地最好的餐厅，她矮矮胖胖的身体似乎从来也没有瘦过，任何时候她都是把其他人放在心头，总是心疼他人的状态，对自己承受的苦难似乎从来也不在意不抱怨，这是如何形成的？我很难表达清楚，这个时期的中国造就了一批蒙受苦难遭遇不公却又无比伟大、拥有巨大能量的普通人，姥姥在7年前去世，在这个世界上的所有人中我失去了对我最重要的那一个。